Choosing Between Work and Family Felt Impossible

Until I Learned This One Thing

Source: Imagineart

The Moment That Broke Me

Two weeks ago, my daughter looked at me with those big, questioning eyes and said, “Mommy, you haven’t played with us this week.”

I paused.

Because she was right.

It has been a chaotic stretch—tight deadlines, back-to-back meetings, and a long-overdue project at work we were finally making progress on.

In the logistical and transactional sense, I had been present.

Taking them to school and extracurricular activities, ensuring homework was done, and tucking them into bed.

But the fun, the randomness, the little moments that make childhood magical?

Those had been missing.

And she noticed.

But instead of dropping everything on impulse and letting guilt dictate my response, I calmly told her, “It’s been a busy period for me.”

She nodded and went off to play.

And then the guilt hit me like a tidal wave.

I sat there, unable to focus, replaying her words in my head.

Had I been neglecting them?

Had I gotten so caught up in work that I was becoming the parent I swore I’d never be—the one who’s always “too busy”?

I knew I couldn’t undo the past days, but I could be intentional about the next ones.

So, I made a mental note: Tomorrow, no matter what’s on my schedule, we are having an extended play session.

And we did.

Singing, dancing, watching educational videos, discussing a book—just pure, uninterrupted time together.

And before we wrapped up, I told them, “This extra playtime is to make up for the lost days.”

They beamed.

And at that moment, it made sense again:

I don’t have to be available every second. I only have to be present when I am.

Because 30 minutes of focused presence is better than two hours of distracted time.

Why Does Guilt Own Us?

Guilt is a tricky little bastard. It whispers that we’re never doing enough.

Spend time with your kids? You should be working harder.
Work on your career? Your kids need you more.
Take a moment for yourself? Selfish.

It's like an unpaid, overachieving life coach who only ever tells you that you suck.

And let’s be honest—this guilt hits parents the hardest.

We are constantly told to "balance" everything—be amazing at work, fully engaged at home, still find time for self-care, and maybe even squeeze in a side hustle.

But balance is a myth.

There is no perfect formula where you divide your time and energy evenly and everyone gets what they need.

There are only trade-offs.

And the sooner we accept that, the less guilt we carry.

The Hidden Cost of Guilt-Driven Decisions

The problem with guilt is that it tricks us into reacting instead of planning.

• Overcompensate by dropping work immediately—only to sit there feeling stressed about everything I wasn’t getting done.

• Say yes to everything—burning myself out trying to be everything to everyone.

• Spend time with my children but still mentally check out—leading to neither real connection nor real productivity.

And the worst part?

Guilt-driven decisions never bring satisfaction.

When I chose my kids, I felt guilty about work.
When I chose work, I felt guilty about my kids.
And when I chose myself? Forget it—full-blown mom guilt.

It was a cycle of never truly being “there” for anything.

Until I broke the pattern.

Breaking the Cycle: What Worked

Here’s what changed everything for me:

1. I stopped making decisions based on guilt

Guilt isn’t a sign that you’re making the wrong choice—it’s just a sign that you care.

So instead of acting on guilt, I started asking better questions:

👉 What will have the biggest impact right now?
👉 What aligns with my values long-term?
👉 If guilt wasn’t a factor, what would I choose?

When I reframed my decisions this way, I made choices I could stand behind—without the regret hang-over.

2. I redefined what "enough" looks like

Guilt thrives in vagueness.

If you have no definition of what "enough" is, you'll always feel like you’re failing.

So I set clear, realistic expectations for each area of my life:

✅ Quality over quantity with my children– I may not have endless hours, but when I’m with them, I’m all in. No phone, no distractions.
✅ Boundaries at work – No last-minute late evening meetings unless it’s an emergency.
✅ Personal time is non-negotiable – Because a burned-out parent is no good to anyone.

This shifted my mindset from “I should always be doing more” to “I am doing what matters most.”

3. I let go of the "perfect balance" myth

Some weeks, work takes over. Some weeks, my children need me more. Some weeks, I need time to recharge.

That’s life.

If one area demands more attention temporarily, I adjust and make up for it later—without guilt.

4. I turned playtime into a daily ritual (no matter how small)

The biggest game-changer?

I stopped thinking of playtime as “extra” and made it a non-negotiable part of our routine.

Even if it’s just 30 minutes, those moments are fully theirs—no work, no emails, no distractions.

Some days we play Ludo.
On other days they entertain me with a “show”.
Sometimes we discuss happenings in school.

It doesn’t matter what we do—only that we’re fully present when we do it.

Your children don’t need more time—they need meaningful time.

The Final Takeaway

Guilt is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to control us.

Instead of making decisions based on guilt, make them based on impact.

Your children don’t need you 24/7—they need you fully present when you are there.
Your career doesn’t need every waking moment—it needs focused effort.
And you don’t need to be everything to everyone—you just need to show up in the ways that matter most.

So, the next time guilt creeps in, ask yourself:

"Am I choosing this because I want to… or because I feel guilty?"

Because one leads to true fulfilment.

The other? Just more guilt.

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Now, Over to You

Do you struggle with guilt when choosing between career, family, and personal time?

Drop a comment—I’d love to hear how you navigate it.

And if this resonates with you, share it with another parent who might need to hear it.

We’re all figuring this out as we go.

Let’s do it together. 💛

Stella