The Hidden Burden of Help

Discover the Fine Line Between Support and Control

Help…I Don’t Need Your Help

Source: Canva Pro

I’ve relied on myself to get things done for much of my life, whether managing a task, making decisions, or simply working through life’s challenges. 

Independence was ingrained in me, and I never thought twice about it. 

Collaboration is something I’ve recently started exploring and appreciating as I shared in my last article: Building with Purpose: What 13 Weeks as a Creator Has Taught Me.

I’ve learned that growth is often a team effort, and there’s immense value in connecting with the right people who support your vision, challenge and inspire you.

James Surowiecki explains this concept even better in his book: The Wisdom of Crowds.

Large groups of people are smarter than an elite few, no matter how brilliant.

So, yes, I believe in the power of collective intelligence. 

But, asking for help sometimes still feels alien. (Am I alone?)

The idea of depending on someone else, even for the smallest favour, can feel uncomfortable, and sometimes, downright overwhelming.

Now when I speak of the burden of help, I’m not just referring to the act of asking for help itself, but the weight that comes with it. 

I’m talking about the silent complexities that may follow.

Let’s be clear: the help I’m referring to can take many forms. It might be financial assistance, a service or even asking someone to put in a word for you. 

It’s the day-to-day support we might seek from friends, family, colleagues, or acquaintances—help that we all need from time to time as humans.

But here’s where things get tricky.

I’ve seen firsthand how people abuse their position just because they have the opportunity to help.

Worse still, I’ve witnessed situations where you can sense that someone who offers help will eventually hold that over the seeker’s head. 

You feel this even before they extend their hand—you know that receiving help from them will come at a price. 

And while you might desperately need the assistance, you’re often left grateful you didn’t turn to them.

The Balance Between Help and Autonomy

This brings me to a fundamental question we should all ask ourselves.

Why should I expect something in return simply because I helped you?

Isn’t the act of helping meant to be selfless?

Yet, so often, it comes with strings attached—whether explicit or implicit. 

And that’s the burden we sometimes feel when asking for help: the fear of indebtedness or the unspoken obligation that we will owe something in return.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If I’ve helped you in the past and I find myself in a position where I need help, I’d naturally appreciate it if you could assist me. 

But if you cannot offer that help, why should I insist, you must. 

Why should you be made to feel guilty just because I’ve done something for you before?

It’s not about reciprocation being inherently wrong; it’s about the expectation that help must always come with conditions. 

It’s about understanding when help turns into control and being aware of your boundaries in relationships—be they with colleagues, family, or friends. 

This awareness is essential for personal growth and maintaining autonomy on your journey.

For the one seeking help, find a balance between accepting help and staying empowered.

Why?

Because help should uplift, not create dependency. 

Closing Reflections

Source: Canva Pro

Helping someone should be about extending a hand, not creating chains. 

It’s a chance to be a part of someone’s story in a way that truly adds value—without burdening the person receiving it.

If you offer help, please give it with open hands and a clear heart. 

And if you are receiving? Recognize when help morphs into control, so you can safeguard your autonomy and continue growing without feeling bound by those who assist you.

If we can offer help and walk away without expecting something back, that’s when we’ve truly made a difference.

Let’s strive to uplift, give freely, and let go of any expectation in return.

Stella ✨

---

I’d love to hear your thoughts—whether as someone who has given or received help. 

Have you ever experienced help with strings attached? 

Or have you had moments where genuine support made all the difference?

---

✨ Enjoying Becoming Together and want to explore more with me? ✨

• Subscribe: free weekly articles and occasional exclusive offers

• Connect on LinkedIn: Professional insights and more

• Watch on YouTube: Insights on personal growth and self-development

• Read on Medium: If you prefer reading!

• Snapshots on IG: Access short clips and posts on self-development and involved parenting

• Discover the Haven on IG: Nurturing Young Minds: A community for thriving children to explore, learn, and flourish

• Purchase my Book: Discover practical ways to create meaningful moments with your children and strengthen family bonds