Becoming the Man You Needed
Father or not, if you show up with love, you’re part of the story.
This article is part of the Becoming You track, where we explore growing into the best version of yourself, because when you thrive, everything around you transforms.
I used to think Father’s Day was just about the men who raised us.
The strong ones.
The quiet ones.
The ones who showed up.
Or didn’t.
But lately, I’ve been thinking, this day isn’t just about them.
It’s about us.
Who we are because of them.
Or despite them.
Or through them.
Let me explain...
It’s About the Ripple
Last time, I wrote a bit about my dad.
But today, this post isn't about him.
It’s about the ripple.
The invisible but undeniable fingerprints all fathers leave - Intentionally or not.
I’m talking about:
The ones who tried
The ones who left
The ones who stayed but stayed quiet
The ones who were learning in real-time
The ones who never became fathers but still shaped us
This one’s for all of them.
And for all of us too.
Because here’s what we don’t talk about enough…
We Become Through It All
We are shaped by presence and absence.
By love and longing.
By words spoken and the ones withheld.
We carry the joyful memories:
The bedtime stories, the high fives after a big win, and the moments they made us feel safe just by being there.
We carry the jagged lessons too:
The cold silences, the pressure to perform, and the times they didn’t show.
And all of it… makes us.
Becomes us.
It Looks Different for All of Us
Some of us are trying to break cycles.
Some are building new traditions from scratch.
Some are still sitting with old wounds:
Learning to forgive, to let go, to reframe.
But some of us are carrying forward a legacy we’re proud of:
A quiet strength.
A way of showing up with love and laughter.
The kind of fathering that felt like home and still does.
Some are standing in the shoes they once watched from below, thinking,
“Damn... he made this look easier than it is.”
And still loving the journey, even when it’s hard.
Some are brand new to it:
Fathers for the first time.
Wide-eyed. Terrified. Hopeful.
Trying not to mess it up.
If That’s You—I See You
If you're figuring it out as you go...
If you're parenting with a limp...
If you're not a dad but show up like one anyway—mentoring, protecting, teaching...
If you never wanted to be a father but still carry strength and kindness into the world every day...
You matter.
Your presence is enough.
Even when you're unsure.
Even when you think it doesn’t count.
We see you.
A Reflection to Carry into Sunday
What did I learn from the father I had—or didn’t have?
What do I want to carry forward?
What do I need to let go of so I can write a new story?
Becoming isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s choosing to love differently than you were loved.
Sometimes it’s deciding to do better, even if no one ever showed you how.
Sometimes it’s saying, “The story doesn’t end with me.”
The Final Word
This Father’s Day, don’t worry if you don’t get the perfect gifts or picture-perfect posts.
(Okay, if you do get them, take the win. You earned it. But if all you get is a “Hey, thanks, I guess,” and a half-burnt pancake… still counts 😅.)
Just show up.
As you are.
One honest step at a time.
Because the world needs more men becoming.
More humans breaking old stories and writing better ones.
And if you’re one of them?
You deserve your flowers. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
The world is better because you’re here.
Before You Go
Take five minutes today and write a note
Just for you.
A message to the man you became.
Or the one you're still becoming.
You don’t have to share it.
You don’t have to post it.
You just have to feel it.
Let it be messy.
Let it be true.
Happy Father’s Day. 💛
Stella ✨
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